I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
