He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
BRING THE BAGELS
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
