I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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