He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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