People in love make me want to vomit
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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