Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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