Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
