I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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