so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I looked at my own cervix.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Randomize
