im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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