Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I am midnight drunk by noon
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
