Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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