matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
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