It's a beautiful day for a hangover
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
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I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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