A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
