So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
