i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
