I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
