I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize