my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
