Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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