just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
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I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
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Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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