He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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