My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
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P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
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It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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