So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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