My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Randomize
