May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
