Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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