Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
