you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
