ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Randomize
