I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
