im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
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I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
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Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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