Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
