Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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