He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If I die, sorry about rent.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
