I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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