you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I stole a fireplace last night.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
