Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
