I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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