just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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