God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
