Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
