There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
