maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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