you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
