i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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