so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
