a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
