A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
