So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
