Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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