Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
