She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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