this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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