non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I stole a fireplace last night.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
