Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
