Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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