who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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