My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i now understand why vodka
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize