how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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