I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
