I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
