i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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